Well, here we are, outside Number 10, the Prime Minister in the pouring rain, without a coat or umbrella, is this a metaphor? Why? Well to call a general election, why not announce this in doors? in their very expensive flag draped ‘Johnson media centre’. Could this be evidence that his party have had enough of him? and rather than go through the faff of yet another leadership contest before the general election they are hopping he gets pneumonia and goes that way.
The starting cannon has fired, the carnival has begun. It doesn’t bode well at this early stage that this is going to be an enlightening time, setting the scene for what to expect the next five years of the political landscape to look like. This is the part where the parties set out their stalls and give the people the knowledge and map of this landscape so they can make an informed decision. However, in these opening days it appears the normal misinformation and squabbling will reign.
So where are we? The outgoing government argues we need to stick to ‘the plan’ because it is working. The plan doesn’t appear to be working that well? So, they have added a couple of additions, which they obviously think will appeal to their ever-shrinking support base, introducing a form of National Service, which appears to be unworkable on a practical level and at an estimated cost of over two billion pounds unaffordable. The second, triple lock 2.0 which will transform pensioners lives to the tune of a hundred odd quid a year. They could have done this a short while ago but couldn’t afford it.
So, what of the other two major parties?
The Liberal Democrats have declared to be taking a ‘hammer’ to the blue wall. To make the message easier to understand for us plebs they have called their battle bus, ‘Yellow Hammer 1’ that clears that up then! Other than the hammer thing, they have said the Tories have brought years of misery to the country at the same time writing themselves out of their part in this misery. Sir Ed decided to strengthen his position by attempting to appear down to earth. Unfortunately, he tried the Johnson school of popularity, but no zip wire, Union flags and Norman Wisdom style ‘loveable fool’ for him. He committed the cardinal sin of combining party leaders and water (Kinnock, springs to mind). Sir Ed took to his paddle board though appears to never have been on one before as he continually fell off it? It could be said he is ‘on the lake without a paddle board’.
So, to New, New Labour or Blair 2.0 as it could be called. It appears they are going to pretty much carry on being the Tory Party, but obviously far fluffier. Their slogan, ‘Change’, perhaps working on the assumption that the great unwashed couldn’t cope with a whole sentence? It’s a strange concept to use ‘Change’, when ‘Same’ would have been more appropriate. As hard as Sir Kier tries to put up metaphorical sign posts saying ‘Broad Church’ they are more ‘No Left Turn’ Perhaps Sir Kier should take note of the words of the great philosopher Waits: ‘Small Change got rained on with his own .38’. Sorry Tom couldn’t resist it!
Perhaps this is a good time to introduce a new party that has been growing for many years and what could possibly be the major party of this election, and who are they? The ‘Apathy Party’. The ‘Apathy Partys’ core beliefs are, it will be the same shit, different day, there is no difference between any of ‘them’ and they only care about themselves.
I feel in the coming days and weeks to the Fourth July apathy will surge forward, so VOTE APATHY or is that VOTTER APATHY?
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