This is being written in the spirit of the season; that is, at the last minute with a sense of panic. There has been a lot going on in life at the end of November and beginning of December with work. Suddenly here we are a week away from the ‘big day’. This blog should have been about a wonderful visit to my favourite cinema to see the silent version of Nosferatu with live musical accompaniment, that will now be for the New Year. So why write about Christmas and more specifically spending Christmas alone, well in my case not completely, but all will become clearer as I progress, hopefully? I will also take this opportunity to apologise, this is being written at speed so it may not be as well thought through as it could have been.
The driving force behind this piece is overheard conversations, talking to people at bus stops, in shops, and what is on the television. Christmas brings out the best and worse in people, what should bring us together, is just as likely to drive us apart. Whilst we tend to think of it as a time of coming together, it is also a very individual time. It could be argued that there are three broad groups, but no one person fits perfectly in any one group. There is another group, these are people that do not celebrate Christmas at all, I do not talk about this group as it is beyond the scope of this blog.
One group is what I will call the Full-on’s: these are the ones you see in the supermarket, who utilise the whole family to create a wagon train of over flowing trollies of Christmas food but they always seem to contain thirteen loaves of bread and gallons of milk as well. I must admit this mystifies me; most supermarkets are only shut for one or two days? They then go home to a house with enough outside festive lights to make it visible to the International Space Station! The people in the house can’t see this, is it to spread the festive spirit? Or possibly a competition? In all probability they have also spent a fortune on presents, sitting under the oversized tree.
The next group I will use the vernacular; the ‘Bah humbugs’: These are people who don’t like what Christmas has become, not necessarily disliking Christmas per se. Some to the extreme of recounting that when they were young, they were grateful to get a satsuma and some nuts in their stocking and were grateful for it. Distressingly this may well be true; but why you would look back on crushing poverty in a positive way loses me. The less extreme members of this group focus on when Christmas was a simpler time, it wasn’t centred on consumerism, it was a time when people came together, to enjoy the company of others, not on how much money you had to spend.
These two groups are stereo types, and as was said they have very fluid boundaries. In reality most people probably are a combination of both to varying degrees. Both loving the idea of what consumerism can bring, whilst wistfully imagining the simplicity of Christmas past. It is also of note that wherever people sit on this spectrum it is not fixed. Every year can be different, because of changes in circumstances, increases or decreases in disposable income, changes in personal dynamics, marriage, birth or divorce and bereavement. These last two changes can lead amongst other reasons to our third group. This group I will call the ‘Solos’. These are the people who spend the Christmas period on their own either through choice or enforced.
This group carries the most stigma, they don’t really fit the Christmas story, they tend to make people feel uncomfortable. This manifests in being viewed with pity. No one should be on their own at Christmas? This is the power of Christmas, it magnifies difference, makes the invisible, visible. That person becomes broken and needs fixing, they can’t want to spend Christmas on their own surely? And if they do, they must just be miserable? Well, I don’t think it can be denied that some certainly don’t want to be on their own. One can only hope that they find company, either through community or church groups, possibly good-natured neighbours, who have embraced the spirit of Christmas. For others being on their own gives the space to reflect and repair, loss or psychological hurt. However, there are others who embrace a solo Christmas.
I belong to the latter, but it has been a journey to get there. I have always been one who likes a simple Christmas, coming together with family, that is close family, and enjoying a meal and drinks, the consumption side has always been secondary. We always had my parents down; my wife’s parents would normally visit their other daughter on the day. As the years progressed my parents became too elderly to visit us so we would go to them in the morning, then home for dinner and an afternoon with just the two of us. This felt strange at first but soon became our ‘normal’ Christmas. I should point out my parents were never really Christmas people; however, they enjoyed the day. This continued for a number of years until four years ago, my marriage broke down, although in a very amicable way and we still remain very close friends. Then there was one, to be truthful I think I have always been a solitary person, so for me it was just about adapting. Has it diminished my enjoyment of Christmas? well no, I enjoy it as much as I ever did, which is a lot.
This is my new Christmas: we used to put the decorations up about a week before Christmas, my wife used to transform the house, each room would have some form of decoration. Now I have a small tree, a nativity, I should add I have no religious beliefs, but remember as a child when Churches would have them outside and they always fascinated me, and it’s a great story. A string of fairy lights and a couple of ornaments on the fire place complete my decorations. So, whilst drastically reducing the volume, I now put them up earlier on the 1st December. I get up on Christmas morning, contact my children to wish them a ‘Merry Christmas’. They have families of their own, I have been invited but I would find it exhausting as they have children, and so have more than enough to do. I get myself ready then walk up to my mother’s; my dad died two years ago. I have a couple of beers and sausage rolls, but its really just a normal day, but enjoyable all the same. Then between one or two pm I walk home and cook my dinner. When I was first on my own, I cooked a traditional Christmas dinner. Over the years I have stopped this and now cook a favourite meal, last year it was ham, egg, and chips, and bloody lovely it was to. Obviously, or not whilst cooking, eating and over the course of the evening I imbibe in a few gin and limes. Whilst cooking, eating, and tidying up I listen to music, then sit down for the evening. I have never liked television on Christmas day and this hasn’t changed. So, I always treat myself to a DVD, or as I call it my “Christmas blockbuster.” This is not what quite what it seems, it is normally a very old film I haven’t seen in years. Before putting the film on I get cheese, French stick, crisps and dips, nuts, mince pies and Christmas cake to hand, ready for the intermission. Having watched the film, eaten and drank my fill it is time for bed, and for me another wonderful Christmas has been had. As I said above getting here has been about change and that doesn’t stop. This year I will have all the Christmas holidays at home as I have just stepped back from work, this hasn’t happened before. I will let you know how I got on in the new year.
I suppose if there is a moral to this story it is: Christmas is what you make it, because you are on your own it isn’t something to dread, just make it you shaped.
So, to close, I truly hope that however you are spending your Christmas it is a content one.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS.
Kommentare